


I loved you, but I hate what you've become

by Dropsiaczek



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, F/M, Fluff, Love, One Shot, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 06:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13207707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dropsiaczek/pseuds/Dropsiaczek
Summary: A Ben Solo/Kylo Ren x female Kenobi Reader one-shot.At the beginning it takes place about six years before TFA and TLJ, then the plot jumps to the time right after TLJ.





	I loved you, but I hate what you've become

It was already dark as Ben and I were sitting in his tent by the fire, after a tough day of training. We both were in our early twenties and crazily in love. He was holding my hand and stroking it gently, while my eyes roamed his body and face, on which the worry was painted.

“What is it, Ben? What’s on your mind?” I asked breaking the silence.

“It’s nothing.” He lied smiling weakly.

I placed my other hand on his cheek. “Ben, I know you better than anyone in the whole galaxy and I see when something is wrong. Please, tell me, maybe I can help.”

The young Solo sighed heavily and looked straight into my eyes. “(Y/n)…you know I’ve been feeling this strange pull towards the darkness…from some time. As if…as if something was calling me…” Ben started, struggling to find right words to express what was occupying his mind. “This call is so alluring, it offers me strength and authority, but I…I…I promised myself I will do everything in my power not to fall for it. I will fight the temptation. I will stick to the Light…for you, my love.”

“I will support you no matter what.” I whispered, smiled and pressed my lips to his in a light kiss.

“Will you stay?” Ben asked when our lips parted.

 “I can’t, you know Master Luke doesn’t approve of what is going on between us.” I replied in a serious tone. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I got up and headed towards the exit. I was about to leave when I stopped half step and turned around to look at Ben. “Goodnight, Solo.”

“Goodnight, Kenobi.” He replied and I left.

The cold night air outside caressed my skin gently. _I must tell Master Luke_ _about what Ben told me_ , I thought. I would trust Luke Skywalker with my life. He knew that the Dark Side tempted his nephew, but I thought he would like to know that young Ben decided to fight it off. I reached Luke’s tent and sticked my head inside. But Master Luke was already asleep.

“I will tell him in the morning.” I decided and headed towards my tent to get some rest.

 

***

 

I was awakened in the middle of the night by terrible rumbling and screams of agony. I went outside and immediately got petrified by what I saw – everything was on fire and my fellow padawans were running around trying to fight some one off. And this someone was my beloved Ben. I just stood there, unable to gather my thoughts or take any actions.

“Ben.” I called him, hoping my voice would break through sounds of the battle. Tears were streaming down my face. “Ben!”

 He turned to me and froze. The painful expression on his face made my heart break. And then I felt a well-known pressure on my mind. It was him. He’s done is to many times before, but never to harm me. But the pressure grew stronger and more unbearable with every passing second, so I decided to give in. _Now sleep, my love_ , I heard Ben’s voice in my head and everything went black.

 

***

 

I was woken up by a violent shake.

“(Y/n)! (Y/n)!” I heard a familiar voice, but it sounded very far away. I opened my eyes slowly, but it took some time before my vision sharpened. Master Luke was kneeling beside me with a concerned look on his face.

“What happened?” I asked weakly.

“It was young Solo! He’s fallen for the Dark Side. Some of my padawans followed him, and those who didn’t…lost their lives. You are the only spared one.” Luke Skywalker explained.

“This can’t be true.” I whispered under my breath. “Can’t be! He promised he’d do everything to fight it off! That’s what told me only a few hours ago!” My whole body was shaking from pain, both physical and emotional. _My beloved Ben…how could he?_

“You must leave!” Master Luke ordered. “You must!”

I shook my head violently in refusal. “I can’t. What if he comes back?”

“If he comes back you should better be far away! That’s an order, Kenobi! And you must obey. Take my ship and leave!”

 “Where do you want me to go, Master?”

“Find a pirate queen named Maz Kanata, she should be in her castle on the planet Takodana. She will show you further directions.” Jedi Master explained.

“Fine.” I agreed reluctantly and ran to pack some of my stuff. When I was ready to leave I turned to Master Luke for what I assumed was the last time in my life. “ And you, Master Luke? What will happen with you?” I asked.

“I can handle myself, trust me. Now go!”

I nodded, boarded the ship and left.

 

***

 

Years passed, I completed my training and then the war between the Resistance and the First Order started. I knew what it meant – I finally had to face the demons of my past. So one day I just boarded my ship and took off, heading towards the Finalizer. Ship’s shields were down so I entered the hangar without any obstacles. But as soon as I got off the ship a large group of troopers surrounded me.

“Who are you? And what are you doing here?” one of the troopers asked. I assumed it was a general.

“Ren is expecting me.” I replied calmly.

“Have you got something to prove it?”

“Ren. Is. Expecting. Me.” I said once more, this time with more force. The trooper straightened and turned towards another, who might have been a quartermaster. “Take her to the Supreme Leader.” He ordered.

“Follow me. The Supreme Reader is in his chambers.” Quartermaster informed as I followed him silently. When we walked through the halls I sunk deep in thoughts, sound of my heavy boots calming me down. _I haven’t seen him for so long. Did he change? Will he…kill me this time?_ I kept wondering.

“We’re here.” Quartermaster’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I nodded my head thoughtlessly, and then looked at my guide and two guards keeping watch at Ben Solo’s door.

“Dismissed.” I murmured and the troopers left.

Heavy door to Kylo Ren’s chambers slid open before me and then I saw him – his tall figure and dark hair; his back turned to me. 

“Who dares disturb…” But he didn’t get to finish the sentence, as I used the Force to paralyze him and then turn to face me. “What the…” The voice stuck in his throat.

“Do you remember me?” I asked angrily. “Remember?! Do you remember how you said you loved me?! How you promised to try and resist the Dark Side?!” My voice turned into a shout.

“Kenobi…” He forced to say through the Force restraints, astonishment visible in his eyes.

“You should have killed me then…” I said through clenched teeth, my pressure on him grew stronger. “Do you have something to tell me, Ben? If yes, do it now.” I ordered and released his lips from the Force trap.

“You don’t know what happened that night. Skywalker came to my tent with intent to kill me! When I woke up, I saw him standing over me, lightsaber in his hand. I felt so betrayed…” As he spoke these words, tears formed in his eyes. “I felt unwanted. I lost all hope. So I killed our fellow padawans and left to where I thought I would be of use.”

“And me?” I asked faintly.

“I wanted to come back for you, but Snoke wouldn’t allow me. But believe me, I thought of you every day!”

“I loved you, Ben. But I hate what you’ve become. Would you like me to tell you why Luke Skywalker did what he did?” I asked and he nodded. “When all of this happened I…was with child, your child, and Luke knew about this. And when he felt darkness take over you…he just wanted to protect us. By all means, as it appeared. That night, when you decided to fight it off, I wanted to tell Master Luke about your decision, but when I arrived at his tent, he seemed asleep, so I decided to wait until morning. Now I know it was a mistake. And after you slaughtered our friends Skywalker made me leave, so I did. I gave birth and finished my Jedi training.” I took a deep breath. “I wanted to forget about you, but it was impossible. You have a son, Ben, his name is Anakin, and he looks so much like you…” 

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise. “I have…a son?” He asked in disbelief. I nodded, now crying openly. All feelings have suddenly struck me. All feelings I was trying to push away for so long.

“(Y/n)…I never stopped loving you. You are the only reason the darkness hasn’t consumed me completely…” Ben solo whispered, a stray tear escaping his eyes. “Show me…show me my son!”

 I nodded and entered Ben’s mind freely. I flooded him with images of our son, from his birth, until now. When I looked back at Ben he was crying, but his Force has changed. It became somewhat less dark. “Take me to him, please.” He requested.

“No. I won’t risk you harming him.”

“Damn, he’s my son! I would never harm him, I already love him, even though I’ve never seen him…and I love you. Always have and always will. Please, let me see him.” Kylo Ren begged. 

I pursed my lips into a thin line. “Fine.” I barked. “But I will only let you look at him from distance, if you get close I will kill you, I swear.”

“Fine. Now would you let me go?” Ben asked. I released him from restraints and he quickly approached me. Then placed his hands on my hips and without any warning he crashed his lips with mine in a passionate kiss. I tried to push him away at first, but soon gave in. The truth was I waited for this so long. I missed having him close. I missed his touch. I missed MY Ben.

“The truth is, I’ve never stopped loving you.” I confessed when we broke the kiss, our foreheads pressed together.

A weak smile formed on Ben’s lips. He cupped my cheek with his hand ever so slightly and whispered: “So maybe there still is hope for us.” I smiled as his warm breath caressed my face. 

“Shall we go?” I asked taking a step back. Ben nodded and took my hand.

“Let’s go!” He announced and pulled me towards the door.


End file.
